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Fountain of Wisdom

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Fountain of Wisdom: The Classics
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.
The best collection of Americans' favorite inspirational, motivational funny sayings, phrases and quotes from all over the U.S.


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"All I wanted was compliance with my wishes after a reasonable discussion."  --- Winston Churchill
"All you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust." --- Peter Pan
"Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff." --- George Carlin
"Failure is the opportunity to try again more intelligently." --- Henry Ford
"For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble." --- Kurt Hanks
"Great minds are always misunderstood." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." --- Albert Einstein
"Hmm ... what a concept" coupled with the 10 simplest words in the world... "If it is to be it is up to me."
  "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tunes without words and never stops at all." --- Emily Dickinson
"I believe you are being a bit economical with the truth." --- Mark Twain
  "I have a plan so cunning that (A) a fox on scholarship at Oxford wouldn't get it or (B) you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel." --- The Black Adder
"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." --- Mark Twain
"I have nothing but respect for you, and very little of that!" --- Groucho Marx
"I will save your sole. I will heel you. I will even dye for you." --- Shoe Cobbler
"If everyone's thinking alike, then no one's thinking!" --- General George S. Patton
"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" --- Albert Einstein
"If we were meant to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear." --- Mark Twain
"If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes." --- Louis Grizzard
"If you don't drink, don't smoke and don't fool around you won't live forever but it'll feel that way."  
Mark Twain
"If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive." --- Dale Carnegie
"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." --- Forest Gump
"It is often better to keep one's mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." 
Mark Twain
"It's a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." --- Muhammad Ali
"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." --- Mark Twain
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." --- Mae West
"Never eat more than you can lift." --- Miss Piggy
"Never pass up the chance to 'shut up'." --- Mark Twain
"Nobody eats there anymore. It's too crowded." --- Yogi Berra
"Nothing is infinite, except the universe and stupid people, and sometimes, I doubt the universe." 
--- Albert Einstein
"One fourth of the people of the world are against everything 100% of the time." --- Robert Kennedy
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." --- Groucho Marx
"Risk takers often fail. So do morons. In practice, it's difficult to sort them out." --- S. Adams
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind." --- Albert Einstein
"Sleep...the most beautiful experience in life--except drink."  W.C. Fields
"The game is to say something old with new words." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." --- Plutarch
"There's a reason the road less traveled is the road less traveled."  --- Jerry Seinfeld
"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason so few people engage in it." 
--- Henry Ford
"Time's fun when you're having flies." --- Kermit the Frog
"To be born free is an accident. To live free is a privilege. To die free is a responsibility."
--- Brig. Gen. Robby Risner (Ret.)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."  
--- Albert Einstein
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." 
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?" --- Groucho Marx
"Women are like tea bags. You never know how strong they are until they get into hot water." 
--- E. Roosevelt
"You cannot make the weak stronger by making the strong weaker." --- Abraham Lincoln
42.8 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.
50% of the things people say about and 50% of the things people hear about is 100% none of your business.
90% of life is showing up.
99% of the people who cause accidents are idiots, and 99% of the idiots are caused by accidents.
A bad day at the golf course is better than a good day at the office.
A bad day fishing beats any day at work.
A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn.
A benny urned is benny saved.
A bulldog can whip a skunk, but it is not worth it.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A day above the dirt is another good day!
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never remembers her age.
A dog is a dog, unless he is facing you. Then, he is Mr. Dog.
A dog is the only true love that money can buy.
A good engineer will go to any amount of effort to avoid extra effort.
A good leader is a guy who can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
A good man is like a mystery novel. He has a great cover and is full of surprises inside.
A ladybug is lucky, and to bug a lady is not.
A man has to have something to believe in. I believe I'll have another beer.
A man should stay alive, if only out of curiosity.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
A moment on the lips... a lifetime on the hips.
A one-eyed man is king in the Land of the Blind!
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the a$$.
A ship is safe in the harbor, but one does not build a ship to sit in the harbor.
A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a month's study of books.
A small mind and a big mouth are usually found in the same place.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A smile is the most important thing you put on in the morning.
  A teacher is someone who makes sure that when kids grow up, they have the basic reading and writing skills to criticize the education budget and send angry letters to the school board.
A turtle never gets anywhere unless it sticks its neck out!
A war over religion is like fighting over who has the best imaginary friend.
A wet bird never flies north.
A wise man knows his ignorance. A fool thinks he knows everything.
A wise man once said, "I don't know. Go ask a woman."
A wise man understands that he should always have more sense than dollars.
A word is the skin of a living thought.
Abstinence is best when taken in moderation.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
After all is said and done, there is usually more said than done.
Age is mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.
Ah, brain cramp...nothing's coming! Maybe tomorrow.
All I've got is a red guitar, three chords and the truth.
All of these moments will be lost in time, like teardrops in the rain.
All saints have a past, and all sinners have a future.
All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.
Always be a live wire, and you’ll never get stepped on.
Always drink up stream from the herd!
Always look out for #1, but be careful not to step in #2.
Always remember that Hell is un-cool.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
American by birth...Southern by the grace of God.
An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot!
And how did I know you were lying? Your lips were moving.
And that affects me how?
And which dwarf are you?
And you're telling me this because...?
Any monkey can turn a wrench. A straight 'A' student would have to read a book on it and ask why before he could do it.
Anyone can grab a tiger by the tail. The difference between a fool and a genius is knowing
what to do next!
Are the kids asleep yet?
Are we having fun yet?
Are we there yet?
Are you in or out?
Are you ready for a Miracle?
Are you someone's guardian angel today?
As much as you might want to, sometimes it's better not to make fun of the stupid!
Ask a better question, you will get a better answer.
Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
At the fountain of knowledge most are content with just a sip.
Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
Average is not good enough. It's just as close to best as it is to the worst.

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****Fountain of Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
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Retired Persons | Sales People | Teachers |
The Classics |

Collective Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
| Always | As a Teacher... | Be All You Can Be! | The Best Questions | Don't... | Happy Birthday! | Hey, Stupid | IF... | Love |
My GOD | Never | One of a Kind | Only You! | Power of Words | Tell Me About "IT" | That's Life! | Walk the Walk |

More Collections of favorite sayings and quotes
| Church Marquees | The Morals of Aesop's Fables | Pledge To America | Tom Swifties |

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