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Fountain of Wisdom

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Fountain of Wisdom: The Classics
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.
The best collection of Americans' favorite inspirational, motivational funny sayings, phrases and quotes from all over the U.S.

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Unless you are the lead dog, the view never changes.
Want some cheese with that whine?
Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night.
Wash your hands and say your prayers, 'cause germs and Jesus are everywhere.
  We all love to soar on the mountaintops with the eagles, but the truth is that we grow most
down in the valleys where the fertilizer is!
We all want to be the person our Dogs think we are!
We are all dysfunctional. Get over it!
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails!
We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?
We should all be Teddy Bears. No one minds what size they are, and the older they are the more valuable they become.
We spend our youth chasing money, then spend our money chasing youth.
We wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of us if we knew how little they did think of us.
Well butter my butt, and call me a biscuit!
Well, I'll be dipped in buttermilk!
What crack head told you that?
What do you mean I have an attitude?
What famous mathematician described a pineapple using number patterns?
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
What part didn't you get... the "buh" or the "bye"?  BUH BYE!
What part of NO don't you understand?  The N, the O, or the whole D^%N concept?
Whatever blows your skirt up!
Whatever floats your boat!
Whatever toasts your muffins.
When all else fails, blame the dog.
When I have the urge to work, I lie down until it passes!
When I thought I finally had a handle on life, it fell off.
When I was little I used to think that money grew on trees. I wish I were little again.
When it's all said and done, there will be more said than done.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
When my ship finally comes in, I will probably be at the airport.
When police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.
When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.
When you are in S*** up to your eyeballs, it's best to keep your mouth shut.
When you mess around, you get messed up.
When you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.
When you think you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!
  When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
When you’re in, you’re the best. When you’re out, you’re a pest.
When you're up to you’re a$$ in alligators, it's hard to recall that your initial objective was
to drain the swamp.
Who I am is the possibility of absolute authenticity, passionate leadership, and something else
(guess what?)!
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Why check the weather? We're going anyway.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
With regards to paradigms, "Shift Happens."
Women are like diamonds. Their flaw is what makes them so precious.
Women are like inventions. Sometimes you invent them, and sometimes you improve them.
Women's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you'll have problems with it.
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.
Written work should be like a woman's skirt… long enough to cover the subject, but short enough
to be interesting.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it's called the PRESENT!
You are never fully dressed without a smile!
You are the hero of your own story.
You are too drunk to be in this world.
You can accomplish more with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone!
You can argue with God. You just can't win!
You can soar with eagles or walk with the turkeys.
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled X-mas tree lights.
You can warm your socks in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits.
You cannot discover new oceans, unless you have the courage to loose sight of the shore.
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do tomorrow.
You can't change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight!
You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.
You can't fix stupid.
You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.
You can't roller-skate in a buffalo herd.
You can't steal second and keep your foot on first!
You do not find eagles in a flock. You discover them one by one.
You don’t know how you look, until you get your picture took!
You don't measure life by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
You get into the rat race, and you discover that every time you beat the rat they'll bring you bigger rats.
You got to be the police to be driving that fast, son.
You had me at “Hello”.
You know you are in trouble when a swamp starts looking familiar.
You laugh because I am different. I laugh because you are the same.
You mess with the bull, you get the horns!
You never can tell the depth of the well by the length of the handle on the pump.
You never have a second chance to make a first impression.
You only get one life to live, but if you live it right, once is enough!
You only have one chance to make a first impression, so AMAZE ME!
You rarely fall on your face bending over backwards to help someone.
You see things everyday that catch your eye but very rarely things that catch your heart. Pursue them.
You lose.
You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts, and in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
You will never see a rainbow looking down!
You would not worry about what people think of you, if you knew how little they did.
You’ve got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.
You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
You'll never learn anything being the smartest person in the room.
Your physical appearance is your representative throughout life. Keep it up to date!
You're as sharp as a marble.
You're born an original. Don't die a copy!
You're going somewhere or you're going nowhere!
You're just jealous that the voices talk to me!
You're never fully dressed without a smile.
You're the cutest thing I ever did see. I really love you peaches and want to shake your tree.
You're the puzzle piece behind the couch who makes the sky complete.

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****Fountain of Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
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The Classics |

Collective Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
| Always | As a Teacher... | Be All You Can Be! | The Best Questions | Don't... | Happy Birthday! | Hey, Stupid | IF... | Love |
My GOD | Never | One of a Kind | Only You! | Power of Words | Tell Me About "IT" | That's Life! | Walk the Walk |

More Collections of favorite sayings and quotes
| Church Marquees | The Morals of Aesop's Fables | Pledge To America | Tom Swifties |

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