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Unless you are the
lead dog, the view never changes. |
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Want some cheese
with that whine? |
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Want to make God
laugh? Tell him your plans. |
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Ward, I think you
were a little hard on the Beaver last night. |
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Wash your hands and
say your prayers, 'cause germs and Jesus are everywhere. |
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We all love to soar
on the mountaintops with the eagles, but the truth is
that we grow most
down in the valleys where the fertilizer is! |
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We all want to be
the person our Dogs think we are! |
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We are all
dysfunctional. Get over it! |
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We cannot direct
the wind, but we can adjust the sails! |
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We don't stop
playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop
playing. |
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We have enough
youth. How about a fountain of SMART? |
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We should all be
Teddy Bears. No one minds what size they are, and the
older they are the more valuable they become. |
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We spend our youth
chasing money, then spend our money chasing youth. |
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We wouldn't worry
so much about what people thought of us if we knew how
little they did think of us. |
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Well butter my
butt, and call me a biscuit! |
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Well, I'll be
dipped in buttermilk! |
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What crack head
told you that? |
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What do you mean I
have an attitude? |
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What famous
mathematician described a pineapple using number
patterns? |
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What lies behind us
and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us. |
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What part didn't
you get... the "buh" or the "bye"? BUH BYE! |
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What part of NO
don't you understand? The N, the O, or the whole D^%N
concept? |
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Whatever blows your
skirt up! |
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Whatever floats
your boat! |
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Whatever toasts
your muffins. |
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When all else
fails, blame the dog. |
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When I have the
urge to work, I lie down until it passes! |
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When I thought I
finally had a handle on life, it fell off. |
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When I was little I
used to think that money grew on trees. I wish I were
little again. |
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When it's all said
and done, there will be more said than done. |
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When life gives you
lemons, make lemonade. |
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When love and skill
work together, expect a masterpiece. |
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When my ship
finally comes in, I will probably be at the airport. |
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When police arrest
a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent? |
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When science
discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people
will be disappointed to find they are not it. |
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When the devil
reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. |
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When you are in
S*** up to your eyeballs, it's best to keep your mouth
shut. |
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When you mess
around, you get messed up. |
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When you point a
finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you. |
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When you think you
are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on! |
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When you were born,
you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such
a manner that when you die, the world cries and you
rejoice. |
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When you’re in,
you’re the best. When you’re out, you’re a pest. |
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When you're up to
you’re a$$ in alligators, it's hard to recall that your
initial objective was
to drain the swamp. |
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Who I am is the
possibility of absolute authenticity, passionate
leadership, and something else
(guess what?)! |
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Whoever named it
necking was a poor judge of anatomy. |
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Why check the
weather? We're going anyway. |
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Why do people with
closed minds always open their mouths? |
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With regards to
paradigms, "Shift Happens." |
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Women are like
diamonds. Their flaw is what makes them so precious. |
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Women are like
inventions. Sometimes you invent them, and sometimes you
improve them. |
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Women's rule of
thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you'll have
problems with it. |
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Worry is like a
rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets
you nowhere. |
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Written work should
be like a woman's skirt… long enough to cover the
subject, but short enough
to be interesting. |
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Yesterday is
history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s
why it's called the PRESENT! |
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You are never fully
dressed without a smile! |
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You are the hero of
your own story. |
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You are too drunk
to be in this world. |
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You can accomplish
more with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone! |
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You can argue with
God. You just can't win! |
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You can soar with
eagles or walk with the turkeys. |
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You can tell a lot
about a man by the way he handles a rainy day, lost
luggage and tangled X-mas tree lights. |
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You can warm your
socks in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits. |
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You cannot discover
new oceans, unless you have the courage to loose sight
of the shore. |
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You can't build a
reputation on what you are going to do tomorrow. |
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You can't change
your destination overnight, but you can change your
direction overnight! |
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You can't climb the
ladder of success with your hands in your pockets. |
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You can't fix
stupid. |
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You can't make an
omelet without breaking a few eggs. |
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You can't prevent
the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you
can prevent them from building nests in your hair. |
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You can't
roller-skate in a buffalo herd. |
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You can't steal
second and keep your foot on first! |
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You do not find
eagles in a flock. You discover them one by one. |
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You don’t know how
you look, until you get your picture took! |
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You don't measure
life by the breaths that you take, but by the moments
that take your breath away. |
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You don't stop
laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you
stop laughing. |
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You get into the
rat race, and you discover that every time you beat the
rat they'll bring you bigger rats. |
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You got to be the
police to be driving that fast, son. |
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You had me at
“Hello”. |
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You know you are in
trouble when a swamp starts looking familiar. |
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You laugh because I
am different. I laugh because you are the same. |
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You mess with the
bull, you get the horns! |
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You never can tell
the depth of the well by the length of the handle on the
pump. |
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You never have a
second chance to make a first impression. |
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You only get one
life to live, but if you live it right, once is enough! |
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You only have one
chance to make a first impression, so AMAZE ME! |
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You rarely fall on
your face bending over backwards to help someone. |
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You see things
everyday that catch your eye but very rarely things that
catch your heart. Pursue them. |
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You snooze...you
lose. |
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You talk when you
cease to be at peace with your thoughts, and in much of
your talking, thinking is half murdered. |
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You will never see
a rainbow looking down! |
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You would not worry
about what people think of you, if you knew how little
they did. |
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You’ve got to stand
for something, or you'll fall for anything. |
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You'll miss 100% of
the shots you don't take. |
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You'll never learn
anything being the smartest person in the room. |
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Your physical
appearance is your representative throughout life. Keep
it up to date! |
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You're as sharp as
a marble. |
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You're born an
original. Don't die a copy! |
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You're going
somewhere or you're going nowhere! |
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You're just jealous
that the voices talk to me! |
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You're never fully
dressed without a smile. |
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You're the cutest
thing I ever did see. I really love you peaches and want
to shake your tree. |
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You're the puzzle
piece behind the couch who makes the sky complete. |
