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Fountain of Wisdom

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Fountain of Wisdom: The Classics
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.
The best collection of Americans' favorite inspirational, motivational funny sayings, phrases and quotes from all over the U.S.

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Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Never believe what you hear on the internet.
Never debate a fool, for the audience won't know who he is.
Never engage in a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed!
Never get into fights with ugly people, because they have nothing to lose.
Never get your honey where you get your money.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
Never let a kiss fool you, and never let a fool kiss you.
Never let your success go to your head, and never let your failures go to your heart.
Never lie or cheat. But, if you must lie, lie in each others arms. And, if you must cheat, cheat death.
Never put paperwork before people work.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never underestimate the power of ignorance in large groups.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people...period.
Never underestimate the stupidity of a crowd.
No brains. No headache.
No ma'am. Stupidity isn’t against the law, but we discourage it anyway.
No man is an island, but I wish sometimes they were all on one.
No one dies a virgin. Life screws us all.
No one ever died saying "I wish I kept a cleaner house".
No one ever said on his deathbed, "Gee, if I'd only spent more time at the office."
No one is going to buy the whole ice cream truck when you're handing out the Popsicles for free.
No sir. There is no blood in my alcohol.
No. I'm not crazy, but I am a carrier!
Nobody snows the Snowman!
None are as deaf as those who won't listen.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not every one can learn from other peoples' mistakes. Some of us have to be the other people.
Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we?
Nothing is more rewarding than watching someone who says it can't be done... get interrupted by someone already doing it.
Nothing weighs less than a promise.
Now lie on your back and do everything the nice nurse tells you to.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
Of course, I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.
Ok. What is this in the fridge, and why does the mom have to clean it up?
Old clergy never die. They just go to "pastor".
On my tombstone..."I knew this would happen."
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask
for directions!
One good turn gets most of the blankets!
  One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove or what kind of house
I lived in, but the world will be a better place because I was important in the life of a child!
One must be careful not to spread ignorance. It's deadly.
One must bend like the willow and not be rigid like the oak.
One of these days I'm going to grow up and act my age. NOT!
Only boring people get bored.
Only dead fish go with the flow!
Only the mediocre are always at their best!
Opportunity only knocks once. Temptation leans on the doorbell.
Otis has some trouble in his brain.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. lets you know your still alive.
Patience is what you admire in the car behind you and detest in the car in front of you.
People are basically stupid. Give them a chance, and they'll prove it every time.
People are like lightning bugs. They don't want to set the world on fire…they just like to show their a$$ from time to time.
People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
People don't change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.
People need to be as faithful as their pets.
People who live in glass houses…shouldn't.
Perfect prior planning prevents piss-poor performance.
Plant enough seeds, and something’s going to grow.
Pobody's Nerfect!
Politicians are like diapers. They need frequent changing, for the same reasons.
Poor planning on your part does not make an emergency for me.
Practice what you preach. Your children may not listen, but they sure do watch!
Pray Until Something Happens (PUSH).
Procrastination is the thief of time. Do it NOW.
  Procrastination means you know what you need to do and you don't do it. If you don't know what
to do, you aren't procrastinating, you are thinking.
Put down the crack pipe.
Quitters never win and winners never quit!
Recruit it, salute it, or shoot it!
Repetition is the source of ignorance. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times.
Respect yourself, before you wreck yourself!
Rules of life: #1 Don't sweat the small stuff; #2 It is ALL small stuff!
Save the drama for your Mama.
Second place is the first loser.
Seduction is the way to a man’s bed, but honesty is the way to a man’s heart.
Sex can be a spectator sport, but it's not as fun.
Sex is like Chinese dinner. It's not over till you both get your cookies.
Sex is only good when you're getting it.
Sharp words will dull respect.
Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land in the stars.
Simplicity is beyond the capability of experts.
Simplify meditation. Sit down and shut up!
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.
Skillful sailors aren't made on smooth waters.
Smile as often as possible. If your face hurts, then you are out of shape.
Smile! It improves your face value and uses less muscles than frowning.
Smile. If you can't lift the corners, let the middle sag.
Smiles may wrinkle my face, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles my soul.
Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.
So, pardon me while I burst into flames.
Some days you get the bear. Some days the bear gets you.
Some days you get the elevator...some days the shaft.
Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.
Some days you're the windshield. Some days you're the bug.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
Some people are wise. Some are otherwise.
Some people have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want. All they need is one reason why they can.
Some people live their lives in chains never knowing they hold the key.
Some people own cats and go on to live normal lives.
Some say it's half empty. I say it's half full. That's life.
  Some women smoke too much. Some women drink too much. Some women even pray too much.
But, all women think they weigh too much.
Someday the law of averages is going to catch up, and the Cubs are going to win the World Series! 

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****Fountain of Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
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Retired Persons | Sales People | Teachers |
The Classics |

Collective Wisdom collection of favorite sayings and quotes
| Always | As a Teacher... | Be All You Can Be! | The Best Questions | Don't... | Happy Birthday! | Hey, Stupid | IF... | Love |
My GOD | Never | One of a Kind | Only You! | Power of Words | Tell Me About "IT" | That's Life! | Walk the Walk |

More Collections of favorite sayings and quotes
| Church Marquees | The Morals of Aesop's Fables | Pledge To America | Tom Swifties |

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