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Tom Swifties... 
ultimate game of wordplay and intelligence"
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.

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"Jan, you can't eat that jellyfish," Pam said spinelessly.
"Jane! You're burning the candle at both ends," Pam said wickedly.
"Jane, this is for being topical," Pam said murderously.
"John Anderson for President!" said Tom moderately.
"Just obey good laws," said the bearded one in the far left corner of the room.
"Just shave my whole head," Tom told the barber fuzzily.
"Just the fax, Ma'm," said Tom waiting for an answer.
"Kiss me goodnight," he said peckishly.
"Let me entertain you," Dot barely said.
"Let's go ahead and put our quarters on the pool table and get in line to play so we can play soon," Tom said queuing up.
"Let's go to a party," said Tom bashfully.
"Let's go to the flea market Saturday," said Tom bugging me to go.
"Let's see. I've put the parsley, rosemary, and thyme into the stuffing. What's missing?" Tom inquired sagely.
  "Let's see. What kinds of finger foods and snacks do you like best? foot-long hotdogs, ButterFingers, Fritos or Cheetos?" Tom asked while digitizing the answers into the computer.
"Let's watch Green Bay lose," Tom said cutting the cheese.
"Looks good from behind," Tom analyzed.
"Looks like the screen-saver is working fine," said Tom monitoring the results.
"LOUD? Who says I'm loud?" Mike barely whispered.
"Making homemade pickles is a lot of work," Tom said cumbersomely.
"Man! Oh Man! Oh Man! You're doing one of Bacon's plays," she gushed excitedly.
"Man, I tried to get a date and got turned down ten times," Tom said feeling the tension.
"Man, Steve got on a roll," Tom said Swiftly.
"Mr. Dillon, Mr. Dillon, I'm tired," said Chester limply.
"My baking business is doing great," Tom said flourishing.
"My bra is too small," she said smothering her words.
"My car seems to be stuck in reverse," said Tom backwardly.
"My clothes no longer cling," she said ecstatically.
"My girlfriend is a perfect '10'," Tom said counting his blessings.
"My glasses seem to be on backwards," said Tom eyeing himself.
"My hard drive has crashed," he said limply.
"My lips are sealed," Tom mumbled.
"My pampas grass makes my yard look better than my neighbors' yards," Tom said pompously.
"My sinuses are bothering me," Tom said stuffily.
"My underwear is way too small," Tom said tightly.
"My washing machine is not cleaning my clothes like it should," Tom said agitatedly.
"My wife and I just had quadruplets," Tom said brooding.
"National affairs are regularly covered by the media," Tom reported.
"Nice clothes," said Tom suitably.
"No thanks, I've already used a different one," Mike replied tidily.
"No, let's watch the Denver Broncos win," Jan said hoarsely.
"No, the prisoners don't do prose. They do poetry," said Tom conversely.
"No. I have to go to the gym first!" Tom said firmly.
"Nobody believes that I saw a UFO and was abducted," Tom said alienated.
"Now my clothes don't cling anymore," Tom said ecstatically.
  "Now, where ARE those silvery-spangled New Year's Eve shoes!" said the mistress pointedly as
she inched her way through the hotel room, feeling like a heel for doing so.
"O, Y G!  U C, I M 4 U NE Time. U R GR8," said Tom alphabetically.
"Oh my. I believe that atom just lost an electron," Tom said negatively.
"Oh no! I think you've broken your upper arm bone," Tom said humorously.
"Oh, golly. I've burned myself," Tom said charily.
"Oh, wait. Here's my homepage," Tom recited.
"Oh. I'm just losing weight easily," Tom said lightly.
"OK, wise guys. Who chopped up the jalapenos and put 'em in my sub sandwich?" Tom asked heatedly.
"Once again, Tyson has bearded his opponent," the TV announced while Tom spun around,
almost eerily, in the barber chair.
"One of my favorite singers of the 60's was Maryann," Tom said faithfully.
"Only in my heart," said Carter lustily.
"Oops! I may have had one beer too many," said Tom beerating himself tonight.
"Oops! I've swallowed my glasses," said Tom spectacularly.
"Oops. The wind died," said Tom disgustedly.
"Pam, your shirt is wrinkled!" Dot said ironically.
"Pam's got to be the number one bookie in that district," said Tom betting his paycheck.
"Quit calling me a little banty rooster," Tom said fighting mad.
"Quit calling me crazy. I am NOT a lunatic," Tom said fully mooning us.
"Quit strumming on the table," Tom harped.
"Rah! Yeah, team!" she said cheerfully.
"Run, Spot, run," Tom said verbally.
"Scotch on the rocks," he said icily.
"Selling hotdogs will produce greater profits," Tom said frankly.
"Shakespeare wrote wonderful comedies," said Tom playfully.
"She's a knockout!" Tom said stunned.
"Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat!" Tom sang craftily.
"Snow time to feel flaky," said Tom white in the face.
"Some of you keep repeating yourselves," she reiterated.
"Somehow, I don't think this will work being a taxi driver," Tom said looking out from his 18 wheeler cab.
"Someone removed all the twos from this deck," Tom deduced. 
"Someone's deleted my web page," Tom said excitedly.
"Someone's following me," said Tom doggedly.
"Someone's taken my bulbs," Tom cried delightedly.
"Someone's taken my sewing gear," said Tom needlessly.
"Someone's taken my weed," cried Tom disjointedly.
"Something's wrong with my bicycle tire," Tom spoke.
"Something's wrong with my SCUBA gear," he said breathlessly.
"Sounds like a triple pointer to me," she said expectedly.
"Speaking of waves, it's my favorite detergent," Tom said tidally.
"Spring is over," Tom summarized.
"Stampede coming," Tom heard.
"Sweet sixteen and never been kissed," Tom said pristinely.
"That great sudden death game will go down in history," said Tom timelessly.
"That hole you're digging looks ominous," said Tom gravely.
"That is obviously a Gothic spire," said Tom pointedly.
"That takes the bacon," said Tom decidedly.
"That U-2 was on a weather flight," said Ike baldly.
"That used car is a real steal," Tom snorted ironically.
"That vixen will never cool down," said Lady Margaret haughtily.
"That was nice of you to send me those cherries," Tom said cordially.
"That was sure a good sandwich," Tom said heroically.
"That's 6-0, 6-0, 6-0," said Tom matching his previous best score.
"The cheese is ground fine enough," Tom said gratefully.
"The drycleaners did a terrible job on my suit. I'll have to take it back to them," Tom said repressively.
"The president is entirely monogamous," said his wife hillaryously.
"The serious plays were better," she replied tragically.
"The stock market is doing not so good," Tom said standard and poorly.
"The storm's coming. Run for cover!" Tom thundered.

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