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Tom Swifties... 
ultimate game of wordplay and intelligence"
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.

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"I thought it was Anne Boleyne who axed that one," said Tom protestingly.
"I thought the honey would never be ready this year," Tom said belatedly.
"I told you I left my heart in San Francisco," Tom sang out heartlessly.
"I took first place!" said Tom winningly.
"I tossed and turned and kicked the blankets off last night," Tom discovered.
"I usually feel better after I take an antacid," Tom said basically.
"I walk alone," said Tom cattily.
"I want dental molding all around my new house," Tom said orally.
"I want to be a dentist," Tom said orally.
"I want to be the best jockey to ever set foot on the racetrack," Tom said horsing around.
"I want to go Whitewater rafting," Tom said rapidly.
"I was out of the loop on Nicaragua," said Bush contradictorily.
"I was sittin' on the dock of the bay," said Tom piering out over the water.
"I will go to the edge of the cliff, if you will," Tom bluffed.
"I will not tell you why I am going to the cemetery," Tom said cryptically.
"I will remove the all the last chapters of all the books in this library," Tom said with determination.
"I wish I didn't have to go through boot camp first," Tom said privately.
"I wish I hadn't run out of Viagra," said Tom limply.
"I wonder what color yarn I should use," she questioned, knitting her brow.
"I wonder what's gonna happen to me?" Karla axed.
"I won't change to circuit breakers," Tom said refusing.
"I would help my orienteering friends in a heartbeat if they needed me," said Tom compassionately.
"If I took the test today, I believe I'd qualify as gifted," Tom said presently.
"If the shoe fits, wear it," Tom said fittingly.
"If the swarm has left your neighborhood, why aren't they here yet?" asked Tom belatedly.
"If there is any animal that can get the job done, it's these mallards," Tom said productively.
"If things had worked out, I could have been a star," Tom said nebulously.
"If you can't run with the big dogs, then stay on the porch," Tom barked.
"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all," Tom thought.
"If you want that fire to work, then get some air onto it," Tom bellowed.
"I'll be working as a carpet installer this summer," Tom said ruggedly.
"I'll never forget that bunch of kids," Tom said classically.
"I'll never give up my spaniel," said Tom doggedly.
"I'll sure miss the hills of San Francisco," Jane said flatly.
"I'll sure miss the Sonoma County vineyards," Jane whined.
"I'm all out of Woolite," she said sheepishly.
"I'm back!" Tom said for posteriority.
"I'm booking you, son," said Tom reading him his rights.
"I'm breaking off the engagement," Tom snapped.
"I'm counting on you," Tom said figuratively.
"I'm doing pretty well in my landscaping business," said Tom raking in the cash.
"I'm fixin' to do it," Tom almost said.
"I'm getting exhausted trying on new clothes," said Tom panting.
"I'm getting into the aquascapes business," said Tom pooling his resources.
"I'm giving all my inheritance to charity," Tom said willingly.
"I'm glad I remembered there was a drop-off over there," Tom said knowledgeably.
"I'm glad I wore my Bermudas tonight," said Mike shortly.
"I'm glad this course is over tonight," Tom said finally.
"I'm glad you've already made some fresh coffee," said Tom perking up.
"I'm goin' to some farmer's field and swipe a watermelon," Tom said seedily.
"I'm going to the Indian reservation to study their culture," said Tom bravely.
"I'm hosting the card game tonight," Tom said dealing with the situation.
"I'm in love with a wonderful guy," said Tom autoamorously.
"I'm just not as good a musician as Gwynne," Tom noted.
"I'm keeping my fingers crossed," I said pointlessly.
"I'm leaving the whole estate to you," Tom said willingly.
"I'm looking for something to put Mike's joke out of its misery," Pam said as she rifled through her closet.
"I'm not gonna stop looking until I find me a pin-up to marry," Tom said pointedly.
"I'm not into heavy metal," Dot muttered woodenly.
"I'm not the marrying kind," he said single-handedly.
"I'm not," said Mike all keyed up.
"I'm one of the exhibitors here at the convention," Tom said flashing his badge.
"I'm really going to write some tough questions this time," Tom said quizzically.
"I'm so embarrassed I came up with some useable Swifties," Steve said readily.
"I'm so mad about these recurring seizures," said Tom fit to be tied.
"I'm the official timer," said Tom watching the race.
"I'm working the public address system at the game tonight," Tom announced.
"Is it possible that you could see your way clear to advancing me a small sum?" he asked baroquely.
"Is this what the Venetians put in their windows?" Tom asked blindly.
"It couldn't hurt if they let me be a starter on the baseball team," said Tom benignly.
"It figures!" Tom calculated.
"It is rather difficult blowing bubbles if you do not have any teeth," Tom gummed.
"It looks as if someone has stolen the castle's bell from the bell tower," Tom said nobelly.
"It looks as though he's an orphan," Tom said apparently.
"It looks like the escalator isn't running today," said Tom staring toward the upper level.
"It takes a whole village to raise a child," Tom said wholesomely.
"It was Captain Kangaroo in the outback with the jump rope," Tom said cluelessly.
"It'll be a cold day when I resign," said Nixon icily.
"It's a biography of Twain," he stated markedly.
"It's a long way to the top of the monument," Tom said in stereo.
"It's all a matter of pesticides!" exclaimed Tom, antsy and materially.
"It's in the reference section," said Tom referring the customer to the proper section.
"It's my favorite newspaper," Tom said enquiringly.
"It's so romantic sitting by the hearth. Let's spark," Tom said tinderly.
"It's the same ole 6s and 7s," Tom said poker-faced.
"I've always admired Hemingway," Tom said earnestly.
"I've always worn glasses," said Truman, spectacularly.
"I've been down in the doldrums, but I'll be OK," said Tom calmly.
"I've got a heart condition," Tom murmured.
"I've got to go fishin'," said Tom reely.
"I've got to type the final draft of my report tonight," Tom said all keyed up.
"I've had about enough of these produce department references," Tom said fruitfully.
"I've had it with being a policeman," the officer said copping out.
"I've met the perfect instructor to teach me tennis," Tom said profoundly.
"I've never been hit by a car," Tom said recklessly.
"I've never eaten raccoon before but I guess I'll try some," Tom said gamely.
"I've tried both sugar substitutes to see which is better," Tom said equally.

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