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Fountain of Wisdom: Retired Persons
© 2003 Stephen D. Glass
All Rights Reserved.
Americans' favorite inspirational, motivational funny sayings, phrases and quotes from retired persons (retirees) and those ready to retire throughout the U.S.

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Happiness is an inside job.
Happiness is not getting what you want. It's wanting what you get.
Happiness is where you find it.
Happiness, like a butterfly, settles upon you when you least expect it.
Haste makes waste, and better late than never.
Have more than you show. Know more than you say.
Have you been the contribution to mankind that you could have been? Why not?
He profits most who serves best.
HELP! What does this button do?
Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.
Home is where we park it!
Honesty above all else, no matter how brutal it seems.
Honey, I think that funny noise means it's starting to break. Can we please get it fixed before it does?
Horse lovers are stable people.
How can I fly like an eagle, when I'm surrounded by a bunch of  turkeys?
How did you do that?
How important is it?
How much do you want for that?
I am finer than frog fur!
I am glad that I am standing up and not pushing up tulips.
I am never lost, because every road goes somewhere.
I am not looking for a girl I can live with. I am looking for a girl I cant live without!
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. It's up to you.
I can't decide if I'm retired or unemployed or considering my options.
I can't think myself into a right way of living. But, by God, I can live myself into a right way of thinking.
I can't wait to finish this mountain, so I can get to the next one!
I could have danced all night.
I did it my way.
I don't have the luxury of a negative thought.
I don't have time for a job or career!
I don't have time to wait for my ship to come in. I'll just swim out to the ship.
I don't know how I found time to work.
I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
I feel a whole lot more like I do than I did!
I fish. Therefore, I am.
I forget what I hear. I remember what I see. I learn what I do.
I gotta believe in reincarnation. I can't believe I got this far behind in one lifetime.
I have not lived long enough to see the end yet!
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
I keep pressing escape, but I am still here.
I never had a drinking problem, until I ran out of booze.
I only fish on days that end in "Y".
I told you so.
I travel not to go anywhere, but to go!
I woke up this morning, so it's a great day.
I'd have a good time if they put me in a barrel and nailed the top shut.
I'd rather be an optimist and be wrong than a pessimist and be right!
I'd rather be lucky than good.
I'd rather be OVER the hill than UNDER it!
If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Take pride in signing your name to your accomplishments.
If I had it to do over, I'd only change one thing!
If I had known how much fun grandchildren were, I think I would of had them first.
If I haven't learned something today, then I no longer exist!
If I knew then what I know now, I would never have said no!
If it ain't broke, don't lend it no money.
If it ain't life or death, then it ain't worth worryin' about!
If it ain't safe, it ain't fun!
If it can happen, it will.
If it is to be, it is up to me!
If it isn't worth winning, why keep score?
If it's good to you, then it's good for you.
If it's worth doing, do it.
If life was "fair" there wouldn't be any rich people.
If one does not learn from past mistakes, one is destined to repeat them.
If religions are the doorway to spirituality, why does everyone stay on the doorstep?
If somebody gets your goat, move your goat!!
If the world is a stage, I want better lighting.
If the world were logical, men would ride sidesaddle.
If there's joy in your heart, notify your face.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
If you are able to keep your head while other's around you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
If you can't see God where you're looking, put on your tri-focals and you can see the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
If you can't think at freeway speed, stay in the parking lot.
If you die doing what you love most, do you spend eternity doing it?
If you don't have anything good to say, then be quiet.
If you don't have it, then don't spend it.
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
If you don't know what it is, don't pick it up.
If you don't like today, try to miss it.
If you don't want me to do it, don't tell me I can't.
If you have the faith of a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible.
If you plan to leap tall buildings, slay dragons and generally be famous, always remember that sometimes the dragon wins!
If you seriously want to change the quality of your life, you must change the quality of your thoughts!
If you want to find gold you got to go where the gold is!
If you're not busy being born, you're busy dying.
Ignorance is the root of misfortune.
I'll do it first thing tomorrow, right after lunch.
I'll do that later.
I'll hug your elephant if you will kiss my a$$.
I'll never learn.
I'm a little older, but much wiser.
I'm going to live until I die!
I'm having more fun than a mosquito in a nudist colony.
I'm not lazy. I just don't like to work.
I'm not old. I'm just a recycled teenager.
I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting my eyes.
I'm not Wilma Flintstone, but I will make your bedrock!
I'm old.
I'm older, more experienced, always take a licking and keep on ticking, and always try harder!
I'm retired, but far from dead!
I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.
I'm too old for this.
I'm too old to cut the mustard, but I can still lick the jar!
I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes to get instant gratification.
Imagine that!
In eternity we will all love one another. Why not start today?
In matters of taste, the majority is invariably wrong.
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
Is it Friday yet?
Is that right?
Is this a great country or what?
Is this the person to whom I am speaking?
It ain't over until the fat lady sings.
It can't rain all the time.
It doesn't get any better than this.
It doesn't matter how old you are. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.
It doesn't matter who gets the credit as long as the job gets done!
It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
It is easier to leave angry words unspoken than to mend a heart those words have broken.
It is not what you have in life that is important, but who you have that loves you and can share it with you.
It may be the early bird that gets the worm, but it's the SECOND mouse that gets the cheese.
It might not be what it is.
It will work out eventually.
It's a wonderful life.
It's alright to remember the past, but you just can't live there.
It's always later than you think.
It's been a wild ride.
It's better to be able to look down at the grass each day than up at the roots.
It's getting better every day!
It's great to be retired.
It's in the past. Now is the time to plan for the future.
It's later than you think, if you think it's earlier than it really is!
It's nice to be old enough to have a past and still be young enough to have a future.
  It's not how many times you get knocked down that forms your fate. It's how many times you get back up that decides your future in life!
It's not over until it's over.
It's not you, it's me. I just don't like you.
It's ok to get older. Just don't get old!
Join the dance, but don't step on my feet.
Judge me all you want. Just keep the verdict to yourself.
Judge no wine before its time.
Keep busy and stay young!
Keep it simple, keep it fun, and laugh a lot!
Knowledge and wisdom do not always go hand in hand.
Knowledge shared by others should not be wasted, but learned.

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