Chapter 15



"Such was the history of my beloved cottagers. It impressed me deeply.

I learned, from the views of social life which it developed,

to admire their virtues and to deprecate the vices of mankind.



"As yet I looked upon crime as a distant evil, benevolence and generosity

were ever present before me, inciting within me a desire to become an actor

in the busy scene where so many admirable qualities were called forth

and displayed. But in giving an account of the progress of my intellect,

I must not omit a circumstance which occurred in the beginning of the month

of August of the same year.



"One night during my accustomed visit to the neighbouring wood

where I collected my own food and brought home firing for my protectors,

I found on the ground a leathern portmanteau containing several articles

of dress and some books. I eagerly seized the prize

and returned with it to my hovel. Fortunately the books were written

in the language, the elements of which I had acquired at the cottage;

they consisted of Paradise Lost, a volume of Plutarch's Lives,

and the Sorrows of Werter. The possession of these treasures

gave me extreme delight; I now continually studied and exercised my mind

upon these histories, whilst my friends were employed

in their ordinary occupations.



"I can hardly describe to you the effect of these books.

They produced in me an infinity of new images and feelings,

that sometimes raised me to ecstasy, but more frequently

sunk me into the lowest dejection. In the Sorrows of Werter,

besides the interest of its simple and affecting story,

so many opinions are canvassed and so many lights thrown upon

what had hitherto been to me obscure subjects that I found in it

a never-ending source of speculation and astonishment.

The gentle and domestic manners it described, combined

with lofty sentiments and feelings, which had for their object

something out of self, accorded well with my experience

among my protectors and with the wants which were forever alive

in my own bosom. But I thought Werter himself a more divine being

than I had ever beheld or imagined; his character contained no pretension,

but it sank deep. The disquisitions upon death and suicide

were calculated to fill me with wonder. I did not pretend to enter

into the merits of the case, yet I inclined towards the opinions

of the hero, whose extinction I wept, without precisely understanding it.



"As I read, however, I applied much personally to my own feelings

and condition. I found myself similar yet at the same time

strangely unlike to the beings concerning whom I read

and to whose conversation I was a listener. I sympathized with

and partly understood them, but I was unformed in mind;

I was dependent on none and related to none. "The path of my departure

was free," and there was none to lament my annihilation.

My person was hideous and my stature gigantic. What did this mean?

Who was I? What was I? Whence did I come? What was my destination?

These questions continually recurred, but I was unable to solve them.



"The volume of Plutarch's Lives which I possessed contained

the histories of the first founders of the ancient republics.

This book had a far different effect upon me from the Sorrows of Werter.

I learned from Werter's imaginations despondency and gloom,

but Plutarch taught me high thoughts; he elevated me

above the wretched sphere of my own reflections, to admire and love

the heroes of past ages. Many things I read surpassed my understanding

and experience. I had a very confused knowledge of kingdoms,

wide extents of country, mighty rivers, and boundless seas.

But I was perfectly unacquainted with towns and large assemblages of men.

The cottage of my protectors had been the only school in which

I had studied human nature, but this book developed new

and mightier scenes of action. I read of men concerned in public affairs,

governing or massacring their species. I felt the greatest ardour

for virtue rise within me, and abhorrence for vice,

as far as I understood the signification of those terms,

relative as they were, as I applied them, to pleasure and pain alone.

Induced by these feelings, I was of course led to admire

peaceable lawgivers, Numa, Solon, and Lycurgus, in preference

to Romulus and Theseus. The patriarchal lives of my protectors

caused these impressions to take a firm hold on my mind; perhaps,

if my first introduction to humanity had been made by a young soldier,

burning for glory and slaughter, I should have been imbued

with different sensations.



"But Paradise Lost excited different and far deeper emotions.

I read it, as I had read the other volumes which had fallen

into my hands, as a true history. It moved every feeling of wonder

and awe that the picture of an omnipotent God warring

with his creatures was capable of exciting. I often referred

the several situations, as their similarity struck me, to my own.

Like Adam, I was apparently united by no link to any other being

in existence; but his state was far different from mine

in every other respect. He had come forth from the hands of God

a perfect creature, happy and prosperous, guarded by the especial care

of his Creator; he was allowed to converse with and acquire knowledge

from beings of a superior nature, but I was wretched, helpless, and alone.

Many times I considered Satan as the fitter emblem of my condition,

for often, like him, when I viewed the bliss of my protectors,

the bitter gall of envy rose within me.



"Another circumstance strengthened and confirmed these feelings.

Soon after my arrival in the hovel I discovered some papers

in the pocket of the dress which I had taken from your laboratory.

At first I had neglected them, but now that I was able

to decipher the characters in which they were written,

I began to study them with diligence. It was your journal

of the four months that preceded my creation. You minutely described

in these papers every step you took in the progress of your work;

this history was mingled with accounts of domestic occurrences.

You doubtless recollect these papers. Here they are.

Everything is related in them which bears reference to my accursed origin;

the whole detail of that series of disgusting circumstances

which produced it is set in view; the minutest description

of my odious and loathsome person is given, in language

which painted your own horrors and rendered mine indelible.

I sickened as I read. `Hateful day when I received life!'

I exclaimed in agony. `Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster

so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God, in pity,

made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form

is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemblance.

Satan had his companions, fellow devils, to admire and encourage him,

but I am solitary and abhorred.'



"These were the reflections of my hours of despondency and solitude;

but when I contemplated the virtues of the cottagers,

their amiable and benevolent dispositions, I persuaded myself

that when they should become acquainted with my admiration

of their virtues they would compassionate me and overlook

my personal deformity. Could they turn from their door one,

however monstrous, who solicited their compassion and friendship?

I resolved, at least, not to despair, but in every way to fit myself

for an interview with them which would decide my fate.

I postponed this attempt for some months longer, for the importance

attached to its success inspired me with a dread lest I should fail.

Besides, I found that my understanding improved so much

with every day's experience that I was unwilling to commence

this undertaking until a few more months should have added to my sagacity.



"Several changes, in the meantime, took place in the cottage.

The presence of Safie diffused happiness among its inhabitants,

and I also found that a greater degree of plenty reigned there.

Felix and Agatha spent more time in amusement and conversation,

and were assisted in their labours by servants. They did not appear rich,

but they were contented and happy; their feelings were serene and peaceful,

while mine became every day more tumultuous. Increase of knowledge

only discovered to me more clearly what a wretched outcast I was.

I cherished hope, it is true, but it vanished when I beheld my person

reflected in water or my shadow in the moonshine, even as that frail image

and that inconstant shade.



"I endeavoured to crush these fears and to fortify myself for the trial

which in a few months I resolved to undergo; and sometimes I allowed

my thoughts, unchecked by reason, to ramble in the fields of Paradise,

and dared to fancy amiable and lovely creatures sympathizing

with my feelings and cheering my gloom; their angelic countenances

breathed smiles of consolation. But it was all a dream; no Eve

soothed my sorrows nor shared my thoughts; I was alone. I remembered

Adam's supplication to his Creator. But where was mine?

He had abandoned me, and in the bitterness of my heart I cursed him.



"Autumn passed thus. I saw, with surprise and grief,

the leaves decay and fall, and nature again assume the barren

and bleak appearance it had worn when I first beheld the woods

and the lovely moon. Yet I did not heed the bleakness of the weather;

I was better fitted by my conformation for the endurance of cold

than heat. But my chief delights were the sight of the flowers,

the birds, and all the gay apparel of summer; when those deserted me,

I turned with more attention towards the cottagers. Their happiness

was not decreased by the absence of summer. They loved

and sympathized with one another; and their joys, depending on each other,

were not interrupted by the casualties that took place around them.

The more I saw of them, the greater became my desire

to claim their protection and kindness; my heart yearned to be known

and loved by these amiable creatures; to see their sweet looks

directed towards me with affection was the utmost limit of my ambition.

I dared not think that they would turn them from me

with disdain and horror. The poor that stopped at their door

were never driven away. I asked, it is true, for greater treasures

than a little food or rest: I required kindness and sympathy;

but I did not believe myself utterly unworthy of it.



"The winter advanced, and an entire revolution of the seasons

had taken place since I awoke into life. My attention at this time

was solely directed towards my plan of introducing myself

into the cottage of my protectors. I revolved many projects,

but that on which I finally fixed was to enter the dwelling

when the blind old man should be alone. I had sagacity enough

to discover that the unnatural hideousness of my person

was the chief object of horror with those who had formerly beheld me.

My voice, although harsh, had nothing terrible in it; I thought,

therefore, that if in the absence of his children

I could gain the good will and mediation of the old De Lacey,

I might by his means be tolerated by my younger protectors.



"One day, when the sun shone on the red leaves that strewed the

ground and diffused cheerfulness, although it denied warmth,

Safie, Agatha, and Felix departed on a long country walk,

and the old man, at his own desire, was left alone in the cottage.

When his children had departed, he took up his guitar

and played several mournful but sweet airs, more sweet and mournful

than I had ever heard him play before. At first his countenance

was illuminated with pleasure, but as he continued, thoughtfulness

and sadness succeeded; at length, laying aside the instrument,

he sat absorbed in reflection.



"My heart beat quick; this was the hour and moment of trial,

which would decide my hopes or realize my fears. The servants

were gone to a neighbouring fair. All was silent in

and around the cottage; it was an excellent opportunity;

yet, when I proceeded to execute my plan, my limbs failed me

and I sank to the ground. Again I rose, and exerting all the firmness

of which I was master, removed the planks which I had placed

before my hovel to conceal my retreat. The fresh air revived me,

and with renewed determination I approached the door of their cottage.



"I knocked. `Who is there?' said the old man. `Come in.'



"I entered. `Pardon this intrusion,' said I; `I am a traveller

in want of a little rest; you would greatly oblige me

if you would allow me to remain a few minutes before the fire.'



"`Enter,' said De Lacey, `and I will try in what manner I can

to relieve your wants; but, unfortunately, my children are from home,

and as I am blind, I am afraid I shall find it difficult

to procure food for you.'



"`Do not trouble yourself, my kind host; I have food; it is warmth

and rest only that I need.'



"I sat down, and a silence ensued. I knew that every minute

was precious to me, yet I remained irresolute in what manner

to commence the interview, when the old man addressed me.

`By your language, stranger, I suppose you are my countryman;

are you French?'



"`No; but I was educated by a French family and understand

that language only. I am now going to claim the protection

of some friends, whom I sincerely love, and of whose favour

I have some hopes.'



"`Are they Germans?'



"`No, they are French. But let us change the subject.

I am an unfortunate and deserted creature, I look around

and I have no relation or friend upon earth. These amiable people

to whom I go have never seen me and know little of me.

I am full of fears, for if I fail there, I am an outcast

in the world forever.'



"`Do not despair. To be friendless is indeed to be unfortunate,

but the hearts of men, when unprejudiced by any obvious self-interest,

are full of brotherly love and charity. Rely, therefore, on your hopes;

and if these friends are good and amiable, do not despair.'



"`They are kind--they are the most excellent creatures in the world;

but, unfortunately, they are prejudiced against me.

I have good dispositions; my life has been hitherto harmless

and in some degree beneficial; but a fatal prejudice clouds their eyes,

and where they ought to see a feeling and kind friend,

they behold only a detestable monster.'



"`That is indeed unfortunate; but if you are really blameless,

cannot you undeceive them?'



"`I am about to undertake that task; and it is on that account

that I feel so many overwhelming terrors. I tenderly love these friends;

I have, unknown to them, been for many months in the habits

of daily kindness towards them; but they believe that I wish to injure them,

and it is that prejudice which I wish to overcome.'



"`Where do these friends reside?'



"`Near this spot.'



"The old man paused and then continued, `If you will unreservedly confide

to me the particulars of your tale, I perhaps may be of use

in undeceiving them. I am blind and cannot judge of your countenance,

but there is something in your words which persuades me

that you are sincere. I am poor and an exile, but it will afford me

true pleasure to be in any way serviceable to a human creature.'



"`Excellent man! I thank you and accept your generous offer.

You raise me from the dust by this kindness; and I trust that,

by your aid, I shall not be driven from the society and sympathy

of your fellow creatures.'



"`Heaven forbid! Even if you were really criminal,

for that can only drive you to desperation, and not

instigate you to virtue. I also am unfortunate; I and my family

have been condemned, although innocent; judge, therefore,

if I do not feel for your misfortunes.'



"`How can I thank you, my best and only benefactor? From your lips

first have I heard the voice of kindness directed towards me;

I shall be forever grateful; and your present humanity assures me

of success with those friends whom I am on the point of meeting.'



"`May I know the names and residence of those friends?' "I paused.

This, I thought, was the moment of decision, which was to rob me of

or bestow happiness on me forever. I struggled vainly

for firmness sufficient to answer him, but the effort destroyed

all my remaining strength; I sank on the chair and sobbed aloud.

At that moment I heard the steps of my younger protectors.

I had not a moment to lose, but seizing the hand of the old man,

I cried, `Now is the time! Save and protect me! You and your family

are the friends whom I seek. Do not you desert me in the hour of trial!'



"`Great God!' exclaimed the old man. 'Who are you?'



"At that instant the cottage door was opened, and Felix, Safie,

and Agatha entered. Who can describe their horror and consternation

on beholding me? Agatha fainted, and Safie, unable to attend

to her friend, rushed out of the cottage. Felix darted forward,

and with supernatural force tore me from his father,

to whose knees I clung, in a transport of fury, he dashed me

to the ground and struck me violently with a stick.

I could have torn him limb from limb, as the lion rends the antelope.

But my heart sank within me as with bitter sickness, and I refrained.

I saw him on the point of repeating his blow, when, overcome by pain

and anguish, I quitted the cottage, and in the general tumult escaped

unperceived to my hovel."

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